can You hear me, Major tom?

Three very different and very beautiful births of three individual, shining souls. Surviving domestic violence. Owning my first home. Loss of a parent. My first job as an environmental intercessor. The car accident. Fulfilled travel dreams. Finding out that I am diabetic and that I passed on the curse to my precious children via genetic mutation. Learning to love and respect myself. Being diagnosed with a chronic illness. Discovering metaphysical realms, meanings to life, and mysteries of the other side(s). These things and many more are experiences I would not have had without your influence in my life. This is the letter I never wrote to you.

I was intending suicide after graduating university. I felt I was a failure. I was useless. I was a waste of space and resources. I just wanted the never ending pain to stop. I longed for nothingness. Your voice was the only thing that assuaged the relentless torment that was clinical depression. And then you saved my life.

Day/night, sunshine/darkness, awake/asleep - everything ceased to have significance or meaning. When I was awake my hopeless thoughts revolved around ending myself. Dreaming of you was not unusual. But one day you spoke to me outside of a dream. After I woke, I heard your familiar, soothing, British-accented voice speaking to me aloud. Your voice told me to think of what I CAN do instead of what was impossible. It was revolutionary to me at that moment in time. Because of you I did not kill myself as I had planned. Because of you my life continued to flow and I accumulated additional experiences. You have continued to guide me in dreams throughout my life.

But now you are gone; you have passed to the Other Side. I wish I had tried to write to you the letter always running in the back of my mind. Anyone who listened to your music or watched you in movies knew you were talented. That much was obvious. But I always wondered who YOU were - behind the fame, glamor, and money - who was David Jones? What did you make of your life experiences? Only after you passed did I start to learn about you through videos and interviews.

My one regret is that I never wrote the letter/we never spoke together. You were a rock god and I am a mere mortal struggling to keep my job. Our paths were not destined to cross directly. But I see myself in you. I see you in me. I wish we could have spoken, at least once. In conversation you seemed able to skip from the mundane to the philosophical on the turn on a dime. Your mind was agile and curious. I feel you and I could have have excellent conversations and connected on some levels. You seemed, also, to be a trickster of sorts and I am not sure I could have kept up with you. But I feel you were gracious and kind and would not have let on if you thought I was hopelessly stupid :-) My chance is gone now.

After you left what seemed so abruptly, the world mourned your loss. I found comfort in the many fans who grieved you as deeply as I. I found that my odd little one-sided relationship with you and gratitude to you were not unusual to me, but that thousands of people shared stories similar stories to mine. It was humbling to stand back and see the effect YOU had on the people, cultures, and attitudes in this world through a variety of media. You did it by being you. You followed your passion. You did not settle. Despite your shyness, unease, and fears, you forged on. You learned from your success and mistakes. In so doing, you changed the world. I am not a world-changing person. But I do forge on despite my fears on a daily basis. Now I am trying to figure out how to use your influence in my life to help others like you did even though I do not feel brave.

At the end of the day, I am honored to have lived on this planet at the same time and space as you and to have been impacted by you. Changing the world may not have been your intention, certainly gaining the love of millions was not intended, but you achieved both and more. Thank you, sir. I hope to meet you in heaven when my time comes.

My condolences to your treasured family. Their loss is far greater. They knew you as David Jones - husband and father.

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