A Dragons Tale and A Mothers Love.

Once upon a time, in a land not far from here, there was a hill. On that hill was a castle. This castle was no ordinary castle. There are legends about this castle and they say it is protected by a vigiliant, fire breathing dragon. This dragon is said to protect a princess. This princess is no ordinary princess. This princess is sick but the dragon will never leave her side. This dragon will not let many pass across the drawbridge. She is making sure the princess gets well. She will do anything to protect her.

It has been said that there are a tribe of dragons that guard that castle. They will only let certain people over the drawbridge, those who bring something special to the princess. Throughout my three diagnosis I have had three prominent dragons guarding me: mother, father and husband but watching my mother watching me, and my having a daughter now, I feel the links between the women in my family are now stronger than ever and I have a new found respect for what my mother must have experienced.

Humour me if you will, the fairy tale metaphor, because we are all children at heart and when I consider the specific role my mother played in my battle against breast cancer, I sometimes revert to somewhat childlike thoughts. A dragon can also be beautiful, gentle and kind and I want to use this creature as a metaphor because the fierce, scary and frightening dragon we all know from fairy tales, is only an illustration of the protective and motherly instinct every creature has. My dependency on her and my vulnerability as her eldest daughter really demonstrated her role as my guardian, my protector and well, my friendly dragon.

The first time I was diagnosed I was very young and Mum was a major support in my life. I depended on her hugely. For her to endure watching her twenty six year old daughter go through breast cancer, was challenging:

"there are only four words to describe my feelings on Sam's original diagnosis, Let It Be Me. Then the law of the jungle took over and I behaved like a lioness protecting her cub and took anyone to task if I felt she was in need of anything that would make her ordeal more comfortable. Taking a pro active motherly role was just a way of hiding the anguish"
- Mum

Breast cancer has always been in the family. My grandmother had it and my mother has had it twice too. We have always been aware of it but it would seem it is not genetic. Never the less, the effect it has on all of us females in the family is large and though always in the shadows, it unites us and makes us a close and strong family.

'There is no bitch on earth like a mother frightened for her kids'
- Stephen King

Mum was my fierce protector. After chemo days I would hibernate at her house and surrender to her fussing and nursing. It was all she could do to help me. She provided another set of ears at appointments, was my chauffeur, and when my hair started falling out she crawled into bed with me and held me while I felt my twenty six year old life crash down around me. She sat with me at every chemo session, puzzling out how to fill in all the incapacity forms we had been given, chasing blood results to speed up the waiting process and stroked my hand when the discomfort was too much. She was Florence Nightingale and Hitler all in one! She was my friendly dragon who, while I played sleeping beauty, watched over me and took my vulnerability as her greatest priority.

Now, as a mother myself, I know I would do the exact same. We were blessed with the miracle of our daughter five years later and having to then go through two more diagnosis with a child in tow has not only illustrated my own dragon like qualities but also my mothers unwavering support as a grandmother too. She has been so dedicated, caring for our daughter while I have been in hospital, cooking meals for our freezer and over seeing the running of our home while visiting me in hospital, to be with me and keep me company.

The support my daughter, my baby dragon, has given me: smiles, laughs, cuddles, kisses at all the right moments has been invalueable. The innocence and love that children at this age, consistently give you, makes you, as a mother, fierce and determined to always protect and defend them, whatever the enemy. I can understand that now so well, from my mothers role throughout my battles with cancer, my role as a mother and my strong female friendships.

I am no feminist but my girl friends, extended female members of family, sister, mother and daughter are all my backbone. We are women united, women showing that we can survive these challenges. We have a fundamental belief in each other that keeps us strong. That integral family support has been paramount in my recovery. A mothers instinct counts for so much and though that dragon may roar and breathe fire, she is only protecting something that is so precious to her that no amount of fire breathing will sever the ropes that bind her to what she loves.