10 years ago I went through something that left me struggling. I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl, Emily Gene, at 21.6 weeks gestation. Heard her first and only cry. As I held her, crying uncontrollably, holding her hand, kissing her tiny face she took her final breath. My heart shattered, my whole world crumbled, part of me died with her. I laid her to rest four days later, without friends, without family. Only one with me was my abusive husband, even with him there I was alone. That same day I started feeling ill. At first I thought it was from all the crying and pain I felt from not having my baby girl to hold, but later that night I was in the emergency room. In the same hospital I delivered my daughter and had to leave there without her. Had a temp of 106.4. Dr's found I had contracted a severe infection after giving birth and it was spreading quick. Of course they started immediate IV antibiotics which I tried to refuse. I wanted to die. I wanted to be with my daughter. All I could think about was her. But my husband signed for me to have treatments to fight it off so I could go home and care for our other daughter, Dakota, who was only 7 months old. Then in April, 5 months after losing my daughter, I found out I was pregnant again. I was devistated. I couldn't make myself be happy no matter what I did. I couldn't bring myself to love the child growing inside me. I didn't want to love him and lose him like Emily. I was put on antidepressants and was put in counciling but it didn't help. I still wanted to die. One day I woke up. Saw how my life was and decided I needed to make a change. I had two kids to care for, I had no one. I wasn't allowed to see my family or friends. If I talked on the phone it was monitored. February 2, 2007 I made the decision to take my kids and leave my husband. He didn't care about the 3 of us. We were his meal ticket. He was the reason I was alone when my daughter passed, he was the reason I was alone caring for my kids. He was the reason I went into labor so early to begin with. It was all him. I found an opportunity to make a call to my sister without an extra ear listening and I took it. We made a plan. Made arrangements for our freedom. We did it. My kids and I got out. Got away. Finally I wasn't alone. Every year in November it's hard for me. I fight myself because I want to die just to be with Emily on her birthday. Most years I look at my now 3 kids and my second and wonderful husband and father and I pull myself back from the ledge and I keep going. This year it didn't matter how much I tried to fight I couldn't. I reached out to family and friends and was turned away. I sunk deeper and deeper into my depression. Had my medications increased and tried to fight for my kids and my husband. But I was losing. A while back I joined a Fandom group on Facebook that is dedicated to Supernatural. I told myself, "Here. Here is where I can reach out. Here we are family. Here they will help me find a reason to keep fighting." One post and hundreds of members reached out. Giving me reasons to Keep Fighting. Many quoted Supernatural and gave examples of how "Sam and Dean" keep fighting and it helped me so much. Everyone was telling me to "Always Keep Fighting". Because of them and because of the AKF campaign I am still here, still fighting. My husband knew I was struggling hard this year and knew what this campaign meant to me and how much I wanted to buy an AKF shirt and help Jared's cause and told me no matter how much he needs to work over to cover the amount I'd be short on bills to order the one I wanted. He told me to order it so I had another reminder to Always Keep Fighting. I even showed my oldest daughter, Dakota, different quotes from Jared to keep fighting and had her research the cause. She's 10 and on her youngest sisters 7th birthday her teacher called telling me Dakota told a classmate she wanted to kill herself so this boy at school who's been bullying her would stop. I talked her out of it with the help of the AKF campaign. If it wasn't for the huge Fandom/family that was created by Supernatural and the Always Keep Fighting campaign, we both may not be here today. Because of this campaign, I was able to find another way to bond with my growing up so fast daughter, see my kids grow up more and enjoy every tiny thing that is good in my life. I know there will always be something to help me to keep fighting.